I’m a sucker for a funny sign. So, when I was cruising the internet the other day looking for something to write about, I came across some hilariously creative signs out there on the roadsides. So buckle up and check these out…
Expressway electronic signs:
GET YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR APP AND DRIVE SAFELY
EXIT TO TEXT IT
HEY BOBBLE HEAD, STOP LOOKING AT YOUR PHONE!
NOT BUCKLED? YOU’RE KILLING ME SMALLS!
TAILGATING IS FOR FOOTBALL, NOT HIGHWAYS
DID YOU RUN OUT OF BLINKER FLUID?
SAVE WARP SPEED FOR CAPTAIN KIRK
Construction flashing signs:
YOU’LL NEVER GET TO WORK ON TIME
PREPARE TO BE ANNOYED
ROAD CLOSED – YOU’RE EXCUSED FROM WORK TODAY
THIS COULD LAST FOR DAYS
ROADWORK NEXT 8 YEARS
THERE MAY BE TROUBLE AHEAD
Signs in front of stores:
IF IT’S IN STOCK, WE’VE GOT IT!
ALL EMPLOYEES TRAINED BY
WE HAVE FAT FREE LETTUCE!
VOTED BEST BURGER BY THE COOK AND HIS MOM
DON’T LET THE DINOSAURS DIE IN VAIN – CHANGE YOUR OIL TODAY
DON’T JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS MOVIE
EAT HERE OR WE WILL BOTH STARVE
FREE BRAKE CHECK – STOP HERE IF YOU CAN
IT’S ALL FUN AND GAMES UNTIL SOMEONE ENDS UP IN A CONE
SCREAM UNTIL DADDY STOPS THE CAR
WE FOUND NEMO! FISH SANDWICHES ARE BACK!
Just for fun roadside signs:
ALL THOSE WHO BELIEVE IN
PSYCHOKINESIS RAISE MY HAND
IF ATTACKED BY A MOB OF CLOWNS GO FOR THE JUGGLER
I CHECKED INTO THE HOKEY POKEY CLINIC AND TURNED MYSELF AROUND
I WANT TO GROW MY OWN FOOD BUT CAN’T FIND BACON SEEDS
THE FIRST FIVE DAYS AFTER THE WEEKEND ARE THE HARDEST
PRACTICE SAFE EATING – ALWAYS USE CONDIMENTS
WHAT HAPPENS IF YOU GET SCARED HALF TO DEATH TWICE?
WHAT IF THERE WERE
NO HYPOTHETICAL QUESTIONS?
MY WIFE SAID I DIDN’T LISTEN TO HER, OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT
Now don’t go all distracted driving looking for funny signs. It’s a lot safer to read them in the newspaper or on the Internet than on the road. But it’s nice to know there are ones out there who are trying to make our lives a little lighter and our tempers a little shorter when we get behind the wheel.
• Michael Penkava taught a bunch of kids and wrote a bunch of stuff. One of his favorite signs is on the marquee in front of a breakfast restaurant that said, “Waffles are simply pancakes with abs.” He can be reached at email@example.com.